At the Edge of it All
by maybethistime1
Summary: A Multi-Chapter Learren fic.
1. Guilt and Glory

09/10/2011 20:11:00

Set a few days after the Emmy's in Lea's apartment.

_How did every day come to start with a struggle?_

Lea's mind seemed to whisper groggily as it took a grand effort just to open her eyes. Her otherwise quiet thoughts required a second to rearrange into something coherent, and she took the blissful absence of thought to carefully wipe away sleep from her eyes.

Then, all at once, everything hit her as softly and slowly as a ton of bricks. For one ridiculous second she could have sworn she heard her skull break with effort before realizing it was simply her wrist cracking as she tried to wring awake her limbs. She was spent.

And not in a good way.

Well… not completely, at least.

Allowing the tiniest of groans to resonate from her throat, Lea proceeded to put together the first string of complaints she would come to face today. Had it seriously been just a week ago she was in a happy relationship? Had been guilt-free, despite feeling just the tiniest bit incomplete?

She felt a miniscule twitch from somewhere around her stomach, as if the skin was being lightly tickled and she could sense it jump.

How was she expected to face today, when she wasn't even prepared to face _last_ night? Of course, it was her fault. She brought the shame and regret upon herself, but she'd never before felt the guilt.

There was going to be fighting today, as if she hadn't had enough of that.

She felt the same odd touch grace her stomach and her eyes snapped fully open, abandoning all leftover laziness.

A touch?

That was definitely a touch that she felt.

Suddenly – more bricks – she felt the body next to her shift, shuffling closer and tightening the heavy set of arms around her. Her mind naturally breathed "Theo," a habit. But these arms were different.

Yes, these arms were warmer, and softer, but scratchier at the same time – she could feel the hair on the forearm tickling her stomach and explaining the strange touch she felt.

These arms felt very, very, wrong.

Her whole body gave a swift jump as she heard a voice, rough with sleep, whispering.  
>"Good Morning, Lee."<br>Oh god, she could _feel_ it. Feel the breath on her neck, feel the vibrations of the deep voice echoing through her. It made her feel nauseous with guilt.

It had only been a week since her break-up with Theo, and here she was, feeling Darren's pride-filled voice humming through her.

"L-l-l…" she stuttered. Had he just called her _Lee?_

He mistook her shock and confusion for tiredness, and smiled against her neck. She swore she could hear it.

"L-leave," she commanded in a hoarse voice. She hadn't cheated, obviously, but the guilt surging through her let her know something was wrong. Serious relationships were the only relationships she ever got into. And even after being broken up with Theo for a week, she felt like she had broken some unspoken rule of being in a relationship even after it's ended.

"Hmm…?" Darren murmured, his hot breath once again tickling her neck and hairline, and she shivered.

"You have to go," Lea tried her best to speak firmly, but her voice ended up rising at the end, as if a question.

"Not until later," he smiled against her skin and she could feel his lips stretching. Clearly he had taken it as question, too.

"Leave, Darren."

"What…?" he caught on, "I thought we were-"

Friends? Lovers? Lea failed to see them as anything except for two people who just had sex. But still, she denied it all.

"We aren't. Go."

She felt his arms slide off of her with a sigh as he got off the bed, and she clenched her jaw as she was hit with the unexpected chill of his absence.

Darren slid his pants on over his boxers and hastily threw on his shirt, too dazed to care that it was horribly wrinkled, not to mention inside-out. He swallowed and was sure she must've heard it.

"C-can I call you?"

"It's Monday," she stated, somehow using it as an answer.

"Right, right.." he humoured her sensibly, and pretended to understand, silently allowing his hopes to climb just a little as she hadn't given him a 'no.'

Lea stayed curled into the same position, lying on her side with one arm tucked under the pillow, and the other gently resting atop the tangled mass of sheets, all the blankets had been kicked down to her feet. Despite the circumstances, Darren took a second to admire her. As if she could feel his eyes glowing into her, she stiffened and pulled the sheets over herself as he snapped back into reality.

This had been a one-night thing. For Lea, it was an opportunity to help get over Theo and relieve some pent-up sexual frustration, and for Darren it was just the luckiest night of his life.

"Darren," he jumped as she said his name, "p-please."

Her voice was quiet and unsure, and as much as he could hear it and hear her hurt – as much as he wanted to stay and comfort and help her, he abided with a sigh.

"… Thank you for having me," he responded awkwardly before sweeping out.

Lea stayed like that for a long time, trying to figure out if she hated herself for what she did with Darren, or hated herself for getting something far beyond simple satisfaction for it.


	2. Getting Under

09/10/2011 20:11:00

The next day.

"Jonathan, I don't think you _understand_ what happened," Lea snapped over the phone to her best friend later that day, purposely calling him by his whole name in anger. She needed someone to tell her off, for doing something wrong. That's what it was wasn't it? That's what it was called when you have sex with a different man after being broken up with your boyfriend of 2 years for _one__week?_

She heard merciless laughter ring through the receiver.

"Yes, Lea, I do! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"I _slept_ with him! With Darren!"

"You're _single_, Lea. And I know you like him, so it's fine," he continued to laugh. Lea gasped dramatically, highly offended.

"I resent that!" she snapped in a high voice. More laughter, slowly becoming constant through the phone.

"You're being absurd. Besides, it's obvious he likes you right back, so I don't know what you want me to say."

She couldn't help the tiny flutter she felt in her stomach, hearing that he was giving off an impression of having true feelings, so she ignored the statement, and changed the subject.

"Ugh.. it was bad of us."

"Naughty maybe," he laughed again, and she rolled her eyes even if he couldn't see her, "But perfectly fine. I have to go, mum, call me later! And Lee?"

"Yeah?" she grumbled.

"Just fucking tell him."

"Bye, Dad!" she said quickly, and cut off his barks of laughter with the small tone of her phone hanging up.

Lea sighed with exasperation, curling her legs into a folded position on the couch. Eternally grateful that at least she could _trust_ Darren, Theo hadn't seemed to have found out yet. Honestly, she didn't see how he could unless she told him – and she most certainly wasn't about to do that.

Her train of random thought was interrupted as her phone rang annoyingly, and she picked it up to answer Jonathan again.

"I'm not telling him! Will you give it a rest?" she growled, almost instantly regretting being so mean to him.

"What?" said a deep voice, accompanied by an amused chuckle.

Darren.

"What?" she responded quickly and monotonously.

"Tell who, what?"

"Oh. Cory… That I needed… milk," her speech came out of it's own accord now. He could probably tell.

"… You're vegan, Lea."

Yes, he could tell.

"What?" she repeated, not having time to process her own words, let alone his. No sound came through on the other side, and she realized he was probably waiting for her to give a relevant response.

"I _know_ that," she continued bitingly. "That's what I was telling him. Um. Jonathan wanted me to tell Cory that I needed milk. A-and Jon felt it was very urgent that I get this milk, so he kept calling me about it. 'Cause, y'know… Jon and his milk… And then I was going to call Cory and confess everything. How badly Jon wanted me to get Cory to get me milk, and that I was a vegan. A secret-vegan… The secret being that Jon wanted me to need the milk. But I don't need milk. I was a vegan – I'm a vegan," she rambled nonsensically.

_Jon and his milk…? Secret-vegan? Good one, Lea, great cover. He'll think you're completely sane now._

There was more silence over the phone and she worried he had hung up, shying away from her crazy anti-milk speech. Her reverie was broken by laughter, echoing brokenly over the phone.

"You're completely insane, it's awesome," Darren's voice answered. Lea indulged in a secret smile at the compliment.

"Thanks… So… What are you calling about?" her guilt started to rise from speaking rudely, so she resorted to casual disinterest.

"I.. a fan won a contest to meet you and I. We just have to stay an hour or two late on set tomorrow."

"Why didn't Ryan tell me?" Lea spoke in a voice of mingled curiosity and coldness.

"I told him I'd take care of it. Figured it was as good a chance as any to talk to you for a bit," he smiled. She could hear it again - how his voice completely changed when he was happy. It became electric, so much so that it was translated even over the phone. It was rich, but light. His words seemed to come so much easier, and it lightened her mood to think that his happiness was for her. He was making it impossible to resist him, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was even doing it on purpose.

The phone conversation only lasted a short while after that, consisting of the most satisfying small talk either of them had ever experienced. Lea's mood was lifted when she hang up the phone that time, suddenly more open to the prospect of at least trying to move on from things with Darren. He hadn't even mentioned anything to do with the night before, so maybe it was a forgive and forget sort of situation. Forgive the most chemical sex they had ever had. Forget about how in the end, it was his lust-filled eyes not breaking her gaze that pushed her over the edge.

No. She wasn't getting over it. She was getting used to it.


	3. Perfect

Time was confusing the next day. Lea couldn't figure out whether she wanted it to move quickly so she could be closer to Darren, or never come at all so she wouldn't have to face him and start trying to figure out the feelings she wasn't sure she even had. Here she sat in the makeup room, still in one of her ridiculous Rachel Berry costumes. Her semi-tanned skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat from dancing around, and she hastily washed her face over the tiny sink, making sure she was presentable.

The sound of echoing wood gently tapping the floor quickly reached her ears, speeding up as the sound drew nearer. Darren was still in his Blaine costume, and the slight heel on his fashionable Salvatore Ferragamo shoes clicked against the ground as he walked. Lea could hear a pounding in her ears quickening with every step he took, and she realized her heart was beating at the same time as his movements.

The mirror seemed like a safe place for her to hide her face for now. He couldn't quite make out her reflection clearly, but if she bent over a bit she could see him.

Thinking in the moment, she reached down to scratch the side of her leg. And keep scratching. And not stop until her skin turned a rosy pink and Darren was suddenly right behind her, gazing at her through the mirror, and squeezing his hands around her shoulders.

"Ready to knock 'em dead?" he asked with a wide grin that stretched up to his eyes and scanned its way into hers as she felt herself straighten up from her slouch. Later that night she would kick herself for having imagined in that moment that a string was pulling her up so her back was perfectly straight, but relaxed – she ridiculously wanted him to be impressed by her impeccable posture.

"It's a _fan__interview_, Darren," she reminded, sadly unaware of the surge of delight that went through him upon hearing his name tumble from her lips.

"I know," he chuckled, "Does it matter?"

Lea simply rolled her eyes in response. It was different this time, though. She wasn't feeling cold or resentful or angry. She was happy, and she was being playful. The smile that played on her lips was genuine, and she was slowly beginning to see that her smile was genuinely _for_ Darren.

She quickly finger-combed through her hair one last time before standing up and turning around to face him, leaning against the edge of the nearly empty make-up counter. _God,_ the mirror didn't do him justice and that didn't even make sense. Suddenly her mind was flooded with the touchingly cheesy part in West Side Story when Tony and Maria first see each other and everything else fades into blurred light. She remembered that scene was during "Mambo" when the loud music fell to a low, slow hum. Her own mind didn't match with her memories, though. Blaring horns, and quick tango beats were pulsing through her instead, as her foot tapped with nerves against her will to be calm.

"Fine," she bit her lip through her smile and he swallowed, suddenly jealous of her teeth. "Let's go then, Dare," she chuckled, adopting a nickname for him on the spot. Darren felt another surge, and lowered his head to smile to himself.

They walked through the halls of the set, supposed to be meeting their fan in private in the "Choir room". Lea slowly learned the perfect pattern of walking so that her arms could brush lightly against Darren's as they swayed alongside their bodies with every stride. They arrived all too quickly, but both of them adopted an appropriate smile as they excitedly greeted their fan and took their seats across from the 16-or-so looking girl. The girl was taken on a tour with Ryan and a few others from the crew after about a half-hour of questions and photos, and Lea took out her phone to check the time, simultaneously responding to a few texts from Theo and Naya. And Theo. He had texted her a few times that day, and she wasn't intentionally ignoring him but she was continuously distracted and then forgot to respond. He seemed to still have an interest in restarting their relationship. Lea couldn't help but feel a bit pressured, as well as guilty feeling as though she was leading him on. He kept phrasing his questions to be one-sided; asking things like "Didn't you like what we had?" and "Don't you miss being us?". She couldn't deny any of it. Lea was built for relationships, and in their day, her and Theo were good for each other. There was never any _reason_ for their breakup other than the slow discovery that their relationship wasn't growing at all. It wasn't as good as it should be when you find the right person.

"Who are you…" Darren started to ask, as he looked at her fingers speeding across the pad of her iPhone before cutting himself off when he realized his question was a bit invasive. "Sorry," he muttered shyly, "never mind."

Lea responded almost instantly at the sound of his voice and closed her phone instinctively. She hadn't been texting because she was bored with him, but rather since things had gotten quiet since the fan left and she was almost positive that anything she said would be accompanied by an embarrassing nervous stutter.

"Th-Theo," she replied, almost ashamed.

He looked down for a moment, temporarily forgetting to mask his disappointment. Lea couldn't help but stare, even if it was just at the top of his still gel-heavy head.

"Are you two, uh… trying to fix things?" he urged, trying his absolute best to sound hopeful. Trying to sound as if he wanted things to be fixed between Lea and Theo, but god how he didn't. He wanted her to be happy, it was true, but Theo could never give her what he could. Darren had gotten so used to the idea that Lea deserved way better than him, but still he felt as though he was the only one who could come close to treating her right. This was the thing that he desperately hoped she'd someday come to understand.

"Yeah," she nodded lamely. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I don't…" he paused, trying to find words. "I don't want you to feel like I expect anything from you."

His eyes flickered up to meet her own, apparently in sync with their desires for some sort of connection, whether or not it be physical. Up until that point, Darren had been carefully examining the floor and Lea was staring out the door, planning her departure. After everything, _everything_, he had a right to expect something from her, but here he was telling her she didn't owe him anything. Not an explanation, not a hug, not even an effort to try and see if there was something between them. That was kind of the moment for her. The turnaround point. The point where she realized that a guy who would put up with her being completely awful to him and still find it in him to _care,_ was worth trying for. She owed him the shot she never gave, marking it down as a crush. From now on, she knew she would try with him.

Neither of them had broken eye contact. Neither of them were aware of the expressions of awe on their faces. Lea felt the shape of her phone in her lap until she found the small, round, 'off' button, discreetly holding it down until it shut off. Her plan of doing this silently failed when her phone played through a small jingle to signify the power going off.

"Your phone," Darren spoke, his voice breaking on the first word from the prolonged silence as he nodded towards her lap.

"Huh?" Lea blinked.

"Your phone. You have a text, or something."

"No I don't."

Her response was just a fraction too quick, and it caused him to squint his eyes at her for a second before standing up and taking a deep breath in.

"I should go change. You and Theo probably have a lot to talk about," he gestured to her phone again, his voice remaining calm even while his insides were burning.

"We don't," she answered, once again fast. "I-I mean, it can wait."

There was a long pause as Darren searched for words and Lea tried to fight hers down.

"I want to talk with _you_." She stood up to look at him, ignoring the creases in her dress and the hair fighting it's way onto her face. These small things that she would normally take the care of fixing were completely forgotten amidst the nearly wordless connection that the two were experiencing.

Darren couldn't deny his hope that she'd suddenly confess a love that she didn't even realize she had. Then she'd cry and run into his arms and he'd hold her until she stopped, and then after that as well. He'd dutifully ask her about Theo, and it'd take her a moment to remember who he was before she explains how he's nothing to her but a device to make Darren jealous. He'd chuckle and say it worked. She'd say Darren was her everything. They'd kiss. Curtain.

Except there was no curtain. There were no lights, no costumes, no script, and no evident ending to any of this. He couldn't anticipate a time when Lea would stop playing with how he felt, and he didn't know if he'd ever want her to stop anyways. At least when she would build him up to thinking that he had a chance, he could spend that day over the moon with happiness. This wasn't the kind of situation that if he found out that he truly had no hope with Lea, he would be upset for a while, and then be gradually cured in time. This was Lea, and she wanted to talk to him. No – not talk _to_him, but talk _with_him. There was a strangely large difference between being spoken with, and being spoken at. 'With' gave Darren a sense of togetherness, an 'us' rather than a 'him' and a 'her.' It gave him more unbacked hope.

"Darren...?" she searched, taking a step closer and putting a mask of concern on her face.

"Yeah? I, yeah. Um." The dark-haired boy squeezed his eyes shut for a minute and gave his head a quick shake, his voice more demanding than before. "Talk."

Lea blinked a few times as she tried to read the meaning behind his voice. She could hear notes of what almost seemed to be coldness towards her. In truth, all he was searching for was a straight answer. Something pertinent to _them_, rather than Glee or the weather. It was a surprisingly difficult command.

"I-I'm sorry," she caved.

"You said that already." His voice was still a little cold, but Lea could make out the desperation.

"I don't know what else to say."

"Something straight up, for once."

Lea was once again taken aback. Darren was hardly ever anything less than delightful.

"Um… I don't know what you mean," she lied, pulling her browns together in concern. "Glee's been really good this season?"

She was intentionally provoking him now. She had to hear him demand her to explain her feelings, or else she wouldn't let him know.

"God, Lea. Do you really think _that__'__s_ what I meant?" Darren retreated until she could hear the raw hurt in his voice as he took a step towards her. That wasn't what she wanted – _needed_ to hear.

"N-no," the girl admitted. "No I don't. I don't know what you want me to say."

Darren watched as her head tilted downwards a little, without removing her eyes from his gaze. She licked her lips quickly before rubbing them together, only now noticing how dry they were.

"I want… I want you to be honest. And I know you know what I'm talking about or else you wouldn't be so scared."

Lea shot him a brief scowl as her defenses went up against being called scared. It faded nearly immediately when she realized he was entirely right.

There was a pregnant pause between them before Lea finally spoke, however meekly.

"I can't."

Darren sighed. "You can. I meant it when I said I don't expect anything from you. But from your standpoint, don't you think you might kinda owe it to me?"

Lea licked her lips again. "Look, can we at least do this somewhere else?"

"No!" His voice raised and he realized it was probably in good sense to lower it. "Lea, please, just give me this. Just the truth, just an answer, that's all I want. I know by now, that you're a bit oblivious to how much I care about you, but anyone – _anyone_ – would be able to tell that I do. You have to… You just have to tell me. Okay?"

The girl, who in his eyes was perfect, took a defeated step backwards as she sunk into the simply blue choir-room chair, staring at his knees. There was another long pause, and you could hardly even hear the sound of breathing in the heavy silence.

"I'm not oblivious to it."

"Le-" he started in to protest. He wasn't looking for justification.

"I'm not oblivious to it," she cut him off as she continued. "I know how much you care about me. You know those times when you'll catch my eye and I'll look away in a second?"

He nodded. "I do that too, actually."

"Well, it's not one of those times when I can feel your eyes on me and so I look at you and see you staring and get weirded out. I look away because I think you've caught _me_ staring, and I get embarrassed."

It was almost a confession.

"Even if you _are_ looking at me, why would you get embarrassed if I saw you? I mean, if you know how much I care about you…" he trailed off, looking at her confusedly.

"I… Theo…"

_Dammit,_ Darren thought. _She__wasn__'__t__supposed__to__remember__who__he__was_.

"I only broke up with him a week and a half ago, Darren."

"Can we leave Theo out of this, just for now? I want you to tell me about you and me."

"We can't leave him out of it when he's a major decision making factor."

His heart gave a tiny, pathetic leap at her use of the word 'we'.

"Lea, decisions about what? All I'm asking for is a statement."

"_Darren,_" she retorted unnecessarily. "If I told you I liked you, it's not like that'd be the end of it. Something would probably happen between us. Something already _did_ happen, and I shouldn't have done it."

The boy, who was only slightly taller, nodded and bit his lip. "Do you regret it?"

"I shouldn't have done it."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"Well, I can't answer what you're asking without telling you I like you, so I'm kind of stuck."

Darren raised an eyebrow, not understanding the full weight of what she said. "Telling me you like me would require you to actually like me."

Lea couldn't help but roll her eyes. This felt like high school all over again – the awkwardness, the oblivion, the obsession with each other, the melodrama. She should just say it, shouldn't she?

"You're an idiot, Dare," she said sarcastically. Obviously, he hadn't a chance in hell of reading 'I like you' from that, even though it's what she meant.

"I know," he shrugged it off. "But why this time?"

She took a step closer.

"I… I don't regret it. It was wrong of me, but I can't regret it."

His breath became shaky, although his eyes didn't waver from hers.

"Y-you don't regret… any of it?"

"Not a second." Lea bit her lip for a second and looked up, knowing how painfully cheesy she was about to be. "I'm not one of those people who doesn't have regrets in life, 'cause I do. That night isn't one of them. I know that… that we were maybe a little drunk, but I wasn't using you. I meant it. Do you remember what I said to you that night?"

Darren's mind was reeling, but he remembered that night. He went over it in his head every day.

_Lea's hands clutched at fabric as she felt hair clinging to her face that she didn't bother moving. Every nerve in her body was overwhelmed with sensation as she rocked forwards and back, not wanting it to stop. With great effort, she snapped her eyes open, drinking in the sight above her._

_All she could see of his face was his hair and his ear, his forehead was resting securely against her neck, planting tiny kisses as he pistoned in and out of her. Her eyes flickered to his arms, where she saw his biceps flexing with every thrust at the effort of holding himself up on his elbows. Her moans were constant, and they kept him growing even harder inside of her._

"_Fuck – Darren, so good," she whimpered and let her hands abandon their grip on the sheets as they traveled up to his arms, feeling the defined muscles tensing before continuing the journey of her hands to his back, wrapping her arms tightly around him and pulling his torso to hers. _

"_Shit, you're so tight," Darren gasped, his breath pulsing onto her neck and initiating another one of her moans._

_This had started out slow, caring – loving, almost. It had quickly turned into fucking. His hips were slamming into her, and they both shared in constant cries of rapture. It had never been like this for either of them._

_Darren felt a tightness draw in his stomach that he tried to ignore, wanting this to last forever._

"_Come __on, __baby, __cum. __Cum __for __me.__" __He __put __his __weight __all __on __one __arm __as __he __reached __a __hand __down __between __their __bodies, __locked __together, __to __rub __quick __circles __on __her __clit. __Even __through __his __drunkenness, __he __was __putting __all __of __his __effort __in to __this__ – __into _her _pleasure. __Because __this __couldn__'__t __be __the __last __time __that __they __did __this, __the __last __time __that __she _let _him __do __this __to __her. __He __had __to __make __her __feel __like __she __hadn__'__t __ever __felt __before. __Perfect._

_Lea felt her body starting to tremble underneath him, convinced that she was going to fall, even though she was firmly lying against the bed. They ended up reaching their climax at the same time. Lea's nails dragged harshly down his back, as she screamed out his name, bucking her hips and thrashing wildly. Darren, meanwhile, tensed up, his movements almost stilled completely while her erratic rhythm kept pumping him until he came hard into the condom, letting his jaw drop in a silent cry. Lea was still shaking like mad through the aftershocks of pleasure, her hands scrabbling against his back as she tried to find something to hold onto to keep her from falling. Darren slowed his thrusts and his hand as they rode out their orgasms, ready to slump against her shoulder until he saw her face; her eyes squeezed shut, her cheeks flushed; and felt her hands scratching his back and shoulders._

"_Shh, I've got you. I'm right here. I'm right here, baby," he whispered, gently kissing her jaw as she calmed down through the last of it._

"_Mmm. __Mmkay,__" __she __sighed, __panting __and __relaxing __her __eyes __so __that __they __were __calmly __shut. __Darren __smiled __breathlessly. __He __had __been __trying __to __stay __inside __of __her __for __as __long __as __he __could, __even __if __they __weren__'__t __having __sex __anymore. __It __may __have __been __weird, __but __it __felt _right _like __that. __It __felt __like __she __wanted __genuine __closeness __to __him __that __went __beyond __lust. __Finally, __his __softening __cock __was __too __sensitive __and __he __slowly __pulled __out __with __another __low __moan. __Lea __worked __her __hand __up __to __the __base __of __his __neck, __pulling __him __in __for __a __soft, __tender __kiss __that __sent __another __shock __through __both __of __their __bodies. __Darren __rolled __over __onto __his __back, __pulling __her __into __his __arms __where __she __nuzzled __happily __into __his __chest __and __neck._

"_That __was _beyond _incredible,__" __he __admitted, __wrapping __his __arms __more __firmly __around __her, __as __if __to __make __sure __she __couldn__'__t __escape __in __the __night._

"_Mmm," Lea sighed and planted tiny kisses against whatever skin she could reach without moving her head. Although Darren's self-esteem would have appreciated praise in return, the kisses were fairly explanatory, and he made no attempt to hide the smile of pride that reached his lips. Between the combination of lingering drunkenness and the post-orgasm haze, they were both ready to fall asleep. Darren had reached down to pull a few of her bedcovers overtop of them, and was just on the verge of sleep with his chin resting on the beautiful girls' head, feeling her body warm against him. The final murmur he heard from Lea made another smile stretch on his face._

"I remember."

_Darren knew he would never forget._

"_Being with you feels perfect."_


	4. Kiss

"Being with you feels perfect," Lea said quietly, reminding Darren of the sentiments that she had expressed on the night of their hookup.

Darren stared at her like the dork he was; astonished that a girl as incredible as Lea would even have had sex with him, let alone describe it all as perfect.

"B-but you're getting back with Theo." He spoke resolutely. There was no question of her decision, in his mind at least.

Lea was going to answer with a solid 'no.' Even if her feelings with Darren were confusing, it didn't mean that she could get back together with an ex who she was positive that she was over. As much as she missed being in a steady relationship, and as much as that relationship had meant to her, it was over for her. She was _about_ to answer, until a sound resonating from the door of the choir room caused her to leave Darren's eyes and snap to the source of the sound.

There it was.

There was the barrier.

"Hey – Lea?" he spoke, leaning against the doorframe hesitantly, a bit shy about intruding on Lea and Darren, whose physical distance was the only thing that could still categorize them as 'friends.'

"Theo! I… Hey," Lea stuttered, trying not to be too surprised, even though _what the fuck was he doing here?_

Darren shifted his weight and cleared his throat, looking down and debating whether it was more awkward to stay and third-wheel until they would inevitably leave together, or leave and imply that he was only comfortable being with Lea when she was alone. Trapped.

"Sorry, uh… Hey, Darren!" Theo attempted to include Darren, even if just for a second. Even though he was clueless to what they had been talking about, he could read that the situation was uncomfortable.

"Sorry to come inside," he continued. "You just weren't responding to my texts and it's like, 5:30." Theo checked his watch to make sure. "I told you I'd pick you up at 5:00? You said yes to dinner." The decrescendo in the volume of his voice sent a surge of guilt through Lea. She hadn't realized that she had been so involved in her conversation with Darren even _before_ turning off her phone, that she had somehow agreed to a dinner with him without even processing it.

Lea forced her eyes to stay staring at the floor, occasionally allowing them the privilege of flicking up to meet Darren's. "Y-yeah, I remember," she pretended, as Theo watched her watch Darren. Although he still hadn't picked up on the full reality of the position he'd put himself in, he suddenly felt like the odd one out. Like he was the one who should be leaving, rather than Darren. Surges of jealousy, more powerful in the shorter boy, ran through Darren and Theo as they both attempted to size up the situation. Theo walked to her and wrapped a protective arm around his ex-girlfriend's waist as his resolve changed from 'take Lea on a date to talk about things,' to 'take Lea away from Darren and make her mine again.' Lea allowed herself to be drawn into Theo's side as she gazed, almost apologetically at Darren.

"Ready to go then, baby?" Theo intentionally called her by a pet name, trying to assert his position. His was, after all, higher than Darren's.

"Yeah," she responded, looking up and smiling at Theo as she spoke.

Lea knew, before she did it, that it would be an action that would cause Darren hurt, and give Theo false hope. But she needed to make Theo think that she was just as invested in them as he was, or else if she decided to end it completely the door to friendship might close. If her and Theo ended badly, that pressure would just be put on her and Darren, provided that they do end up in a relationship. As much as she knew she'd regret it for a billion different reasons, she had to do it.

Lea cuddled in a little closer to him, tightening his arm around her, before leaning up to nuzzle against his neck. Just as she had hoped, Theo turned his head to smile at her, and Darren stared, cringing in jealousy. Her face was now only an inch or two away from Theo's and she closed the distance, pressing her lips against his in a deep, but soft kiss.

Darren quietly walked out.

* * *

><p>Theo acted like the perfect gentleman that night. He pulled out her chair for her, paid for everything, ordered all of her favourite foods, wine, kissed her cheek, trying his absolute best to <em>earn<em> her back. The kiss showed that he at least had a chance.

Lea, on the other hand, did her best to remain interested and answer his questions with kindness. Their conversation was civilized and , albeit a bit sad. The night ended with a kiss on the cheek and a mutual hug before they parted ways. Hopping out of the cab at her apartment, the sight she saw made her jump, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Darren..?" she eyed him as he sat on her steps, his cheeks, ears, and nose red from cold. His spirits somehow managed to soar and plummet upon seeing her. It was like seeing your beautiful, one-of-a-kind dream girl – and then remembering that her dream boy is somebody different.

"Lea," he responded, standing up and licking his lips once, immediately regretting it when the wind hit him that much more harshly.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"How was your date?"

His question answered hers, and he was too desperate to know the answer to waste time with unimportant things like why he should be on her doorstep at…

"Darren, it's almost 10:30," she said quietly as she approached him on the steps, only 2 below him.

"Y-You kissed him," he stuttered out, hanging his head.

_Oh. _"I broke up with him. Officially." Lea offered him a small smile, hoping that his mood would lift with her announcement. The breakup would have come on its own, even if Darren weren't in the picture – and to some, that might make it seem like he wasn't even a part in the equation of Lea's love life. But it's not true at all. He may not be a part of the equation, but in Lea's mind, he may as well be the answer to it now. The mess of her and Theo resolves into the comfort of Darren.

"You _kissed_ him, Lea. In front of me. Wh-Why?"

He shook his head, but it was redundant. Lea could hear the hurt and it transferred into her, feeling the anticipated regret wash over her, mingled with shame and so many apologies.

"I-I had to make him know that I cared about him so that he'd understand my intentions weren't to hurt him, even if we broke up…" It sounded stupid when she said it like that.

"Hurt… Hurt _him_? Care about _him_?"

It was definitely stupid. "A-and I figured that if we ended up in a relationship I wouldn't want pressure from a bad breakup to end up putting pressure… on us," Lea answered quietly, another small smile in her voice. She was ready to be an 'us', now. All that she was waiting for was him to realize that so they can cut to the part where they kiss and then cuddle together all night until they fall asleep. Now, Darren wasn't so sure. He was positive that this was his dream girl, standing right in front of him and making excuses for her mistakes, but he wasn't sure of whether or not the mistakes were ones that he could learn to handle.

"And this isn't pressure, Lea?"

"I'm sorry… It made a lot more sense when we were back on set and it was confusing with both of you there, and it was a bad choice. I just have a lot on my mind, I'm sure you get that."

"No, Lea, I don't _get_ that," he said desperately. "I can't _have _a lot on my mind because there's only one thing that can hold my attention for any length of time and that's _you._ Everything else leads to you, everything else is you, and when I start thinking about you I can't _stop._ _You're_ on my mind, and you're on the top of everything no matter what else happens. And you have no idea how I wish I could change that, because then I have to watch you kissing somebody else in front of me and I can't take things like that, Lea. Then that… that fucking image is just embedded in my brains and I can't get it out…"

"I-I'm sorry," Lea repeated, taking a step towards him. He was only vaguely aware of how frequently he used her name while speaking, but he was fully conscious that her name was his favourite word. "Really, I am. The kiss was… was ridiculous, but I made sure that it's not going to happen again. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I wasn't even thinking about what it would mean at the time. I was just trying to see how it would maybe help you and I down the road. P-Please."

"Please what, Lea?" his voice softened. They were only a foot apart and Darren didn't dare step closer. For his own sake, though, he couldn't manage to step back. The girl in front of him somehow managed to muster enough confidence to ask him for what she truly wanted.

"Please, if you… If you let me kiss you, I can prove to you that I care."

Lea's voice came out practically in a whisper, shuffling her feet a tiny bit further so her body was mere inches from where she wanted it to be – wrapped up in his. Darren couldn't break the eye contact if he tried. It was too powerful and it held far more weight than his own will. He wanted to kiss her, he really, _really_ wanted to. Not an on-set kiss, not a drunk kiss, just an honest kiss because those were the best kinds. The kisses that helped make discoveries. The one's that built faith, that forged promises, that helped make up for the vows that were broken. But he couldn't. Not yet. They had gone all the way, but that was with the help of a whole lot of wine. This kiss would be the one that would mark the start of something, and he didn't want it to be when he was still upset over her kissing a different guy only 5 hours earlier.

"I-I can't. I'll see you tomorrow." Darren made a quick exit, scurrying back down her steps with his hands in his pockets as he took the cab that she had just gotten out of. Lea sighed and rubbed her eyes as he glanced at her through the tinted windows. It took her a second to realize that she could still see him for a few seconds before the driver took him home, and she watched him give his address. He turned back to look at her and felt a surge of guilt at how abruptly and nearly silently he had left her, but they had made progress. Still, the nervous look on her face didn't quiet Darren's guilt at all and he nodded at her, sending a small smile through the glass. A sigh of relief washed over her as she smiled back softly, adding a small wave. They were somehow okay.


End file.
